i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
