so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
