I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
