I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
