OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
should my penis look like a turkey
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
