I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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