I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize