so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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