addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
