her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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