ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
