In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
