So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
