you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
