walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
