I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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