I intend to get homeless drunk
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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