he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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