LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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