Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The air was thick with penises
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
