THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
high people should be assigned attendants
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
