I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My vagina just recognized that song.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We're too hungover to prance.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
