why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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