so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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