She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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