it hurts more in the daytime
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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