break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
