i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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