yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
