i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
