After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
