I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
