omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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