Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This is the high leading the old right now
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
