It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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