do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
