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im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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