May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
