So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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