I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
