Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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