thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize