I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
