a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
