you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
