Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
