I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize