Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
