lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize