made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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