I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
