everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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