Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
