i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
