I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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