You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
