My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
no more duck duck goose at the bar
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
