whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize