She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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