I'm going to rape someone's good day.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
