would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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