Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
