how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
