Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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