i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize