I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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