I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
