I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
don't judge my taste in strippers
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
