So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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