I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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