so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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