I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My ATM looks so different sober.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
